Friday, December 23, 2016

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Looking back into the glass of past

I recall a dream once regarding someone I was friends with. The dream was being at his home and hiding me from his ex.
Oddly enough that basically came to fruition shortly after the dream. 
A lot happened after that. 
My friend offered me a place to stay because of life changing. Im grateful for that generosity, however it ultimately ended up being a bad decision. Got into a car accident, totaled my car. Felt stuck and my body was bruised. I realized at that the universe was giving me a big wake up call, this will not work here. I couldnt get a job in that city without a car.
I ended up leaving, at his generosity again.
We got into a huge argument that left our friendship burned.
Friends with benefits while trying to sort your own life out ultimately destroyed the friendship. 
I recently reconnected to pay him back for his generosity. The guy looks damn good still, better than before. How superficial of me to be attracted to someone's appearance. That is what the narcisstic sociopath I got involved with later on would say. That was a lesson and enough for me to say I do not want to get involved into a relationship ever again. I enjoy keeping a boundary line of protection from letting someone destroy your self worth through their sick mind.
After the brief moment of meeting my friend, the friendship ending, and reconnecting for a couple of email exchanges, I have come to the conclusion that he doesn't want to be friends. 
He hasn't been a part of my life the past 5 years and neither have I in his, and that's ok.
Life still goes on.....
At least I can say I tried.
Let go, move on! 

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The odds are 2 to none

Between the 2
Both have too much
One good
One bad
One boring
One funny
I dont see a middle ground
Both Obsolete
The odds
Favoring farewell

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

2 right hand mittens

That guy needs to leave me the fuck alone!
You're not of interest to me.


We all have those days

Saturday, December 3, 2016

No more, no less

Reflecting back 
No response
Repeated 1 too many times
2 friends
Too many
Once upon a time we met
Thank you, for showing me
Only the music mattered
And still remains
The music never wasted my time 

To friends.....
Love, loyalty, honor, and respect

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Just another day

Talking to the wrong people who don't engage in the happenings in your own life help you realize you should no longer let them in to that part of your life.

Sunday, November 13, 2016


Today, the average to do tasks with a day off.
Until.....I receive a text to meet up with an amazing coworker, who is an important mentor in my life.
The universal energy at play definitely shows me every moment in the past prepares you for the now and future moments.
All I know is, I spoke my mind seeing a woman making a vile scene in front of her child. Im just a friend on the sideline witnessing absolute disgusting behavior.
Dictators never win. So I hope she prepares for her loss and loses her control freak tactics as well, for the sake of her only son's tears of sadness from his mother's behavior.
God help that trio!

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Table talk

To the one
Who isn't there
Good news
I'd like to share
Bottle up
The blues
Bad news
But you aren't anywhere
When it matters most
You laugh
Heads or tails
2 faces 1
To none
This is it
The last of his masks
There aren't anymore ways
That is....
Good news!

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Male Pattern

Roughly 7 months ago, I decided to go out for coffee with what seemed to be a decent guy. He paid for my coffee, around 2 dollars at most. Very chatty and can discuss any topic, but EVERY topic turned into him talking about sex. No matter what was being discussed he managed to twist it into him needing sex. I don't care how old a man is, but when you take a woman out for 2 dollar coffee, talk about sex more than anything else, he ends up looking like a desperate man who wants to see how little he can pay for sex because he has probably paid more than an actual gentleman (which are seemingly disappearing faster than one can blink).
About a week later, he asks to go out again, but claims he had a rough night of sadness regarding his father's death (he did inform me he didnt have much of a relationship with him). He never asked to reschedule or apologized.
This guy would come in to my work practically daily until that day of not showing up to go out when I got off work. He began coming in less and less and not speaking to me when he did come in.
I really didnt mind. I actually found it hilarious and immature of him.
Now this past week he has been coming back into my work almost daily again and trying to have small conversation with me.
I don't mind learning about antiques from him as a friend, but if he thinks I'm going to fall for his winter routine of get a gal in bed for sexual needs... he has the wrong idea. The red flaga that flew high 6-7 months ago are enough signage for me to say no thanks for that moment of him attempting to ask me out in the near future.
He's already asked 2 days in a row what I am going to do after work.
His pattern is being repeated from before.
I'm on to this like a good investigator.
Unlike him who is looking to get his dick wet when his need arises, I am happily enjoying the desperation he is displaying through his words and actions and that makes him boring and not very intelligent.
Did I mention he doesn't listen to Tame Impala? Also, isn't seemingly much of a music geek. So he can do what? Teach me about buttons to sell?
I can learn that on my own IF I was interested in such, which I'm not.
Also, he's just not attractive to me, not to mention I've already dated an older man once (who looked younger and far more handsome & intelligent)
Sorry but not sorry, I am just not looking for a relationship or sex partner.
I am busy enjoying my solo journey at this time in my life. I am not stopping for a guy who wants to get into my home and into my bed for his need.
I got needs too,  I need AND want  to plug my ears up with music and forget about him and others who just want to hop into the sack. I'd rather skip the bullshit of a desperate for sex type of man.
It's an insult to me and to any gentlemen who do remain in the single life.
To the guys who just want to get laid and fed, move the fuck around. Some of us women are just nice and not into you like you assume. We are nice to most people. The bonus is getting paid to listen to your bullshit while you shop around for crap like a good ol hoarder.

Friday, October 7, 2016

4 Prong Fork

That path is a dead end cul de sac
That path, S.O.S...same old shit
That Path has a cliff
Old doors closed and locked
The key hidden in a box
Liquid metal
Left side, right side
Now this road is good

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Moving along

A wise woman won't get sucked into being prey for someone who lives in a constant loop cycle of darkness and depression.
That someone should be aware of what they are projecting onto others and want better for themself, especially when they seem to want the world to be in a better place.
Healing is understandable, but is projecting negatives the way to do it?
As healing progresses one must reflect with love, laughter, and forgiveness of the self and eventually the one who preys.

Sunday, October 2, 2016


"No matter how hard you try, you simply cannot fit into your old life anymore."
~Glennon Doyle Melton

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Observation of booshit

With past situations that have caused me more anxiety than I ever expected, there's always someone there to listen. However, that someone has brought a specific word into the our conversation the other day that I thought was hilarious during my experience of knowing a naricisstic sociopath.
Anyways, every once in a while I am reminded of that experience. The real concern is how much of a sociopath is he? Could he be stalking me and using an alias? Especially with the word used the other day by this so called friend. A true friend wont run off from you in the middle of conversation when I bring up the shit that I feel regarding that person.
It definitely sends a red flag to my attention.
Social media has caused a bit of panic in me from what I endured by the narcisstic sociopath.
I will say, if it is him under an alias, at least he is aware of  how much I dislike him.
But.....he did teach me how to be aware of people like him.
Beware of those type of men in dating land and educate yourself!
If I were aware of that type of man existing, I would have never in my life even considered the path of that hell.
Again, I definitely learned you can never please a person like that no matter how hard you try to avoid conflict. He will twist everything to enjoy your misery. It is the one thing that satisfies him.
And the other friend, keeps up a good disappearing act when I express how I feel.
Friend much?

Yesterday, Today....Tomorrow

The good, the bad, the ugly....mindful, the journey is a fascinating experience

Rock N Roll Country

Seriously, God bless this musical genius!

I recommend you to go listen to the demo version of this song.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Signed, Sealed, Delivered on Friday

Letting go of a few pieces from your heartfilled journey is incredibly depressing, but necessary to give love back to the one who gave a journey to me.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Not Today

Hey Tomorrow!
What do you bring?
Throw back the memories?
Every thing!
Admirable, detestable
Why not on Tuesday?
One for the team
Relevant nonsense
The token victim dreams
Wednesday rain
Inside, away
A stone's throw away
Away from you

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Dinner Date

Tsk Tsk
A big fat fish
Cooked in the diswasher
Side by side cups aligned
Soapy flavor
Fishy Tea
It's not the same old routine
Take out next time

Sunday, September 18, 2016


A simple thought inside of a crispy piece of crescent shaped cardboard that many will read without thinking twice about the wisdom that is manufactured to the masses and discarded until another order of takeout is placed.
The cookie is not perfect, the numbers aren't lucky, but you can learn a word in chinese and ponder the message printed. Or, you can just google search and instantly get an automated chinese fortune delivered via technology. Taking away from our physical being little by little.
Eventually a 3D copy of food that will provide your body with vitamins and nutients that the physical body requires to survive will be available. If it ever does happen, I can only hope there is flavor for the future of food.
Perhaps this is the future of our planet we are destroying and Thom Yorke had it right when he sang Fake Plastic Trees.
Mission to Mars anyone? Dont forget your 3D printer to provide you with all the material items you believe will make you trendy on your new planet.
But please remember to listen to the music created on the planet earth while you live in a plastic bubble creating copied printouts of life.

#nature #life #ThomYorke #Mars #ChineseTakeout #Perfect

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Saturday morning tea and happy mug to start.
A friend from more than a few years back, popped into my mind recently. We both were going through similar things and we both have children. It's a win for the dating world. As time shows, looking back we both had to get our lives sorted out. A certain artist we both enjoy was our friendship beginning.

I wondered about him throughout the years.
This time was different. I actually took it upon myself to find out what happened to him without having to engage into conversation with anyone we both spoke to in the past.
Thank the brain for the memory function. I decided google would be sufficient enough for this curiosity.
I stumbled upon his wp. I had some anxiety at first for even looking him up. In my mind I begin to question "WHY AM I DOING THIS?"
The best part of the site is the countdown post.
Im just very impressed with that decision he made for himself.
In the small amount of time we were in contact, he did manage to make a difference in my life, good and bad, but not as bad as what came later after our disconnect that has allowed me to enjoy my own journey of the self. The insanity of it all has brought me to a new understanding of me.
I let it go and the time passed has allowed me to forgive myself and my friend.
In between the years....the music remained.

#happy #saturday #tea